A Neurodivergent Christmas: Embracing Our Own Perfect

When you think of Christmas, what comes to mind? For many, it’s the picture-perfect images plastered across social media or the polished commercials with matching pyjamas, a bustling house full of family, and a table overflowing with food. But the reality is, everyone’s version of a perfect Christmas looks different - and that’s okay.

For us, Christmas has been a journey of trial, adjustment, and embracing what works best for our family.

Finding Our Own Traditions

Years ago, before we had children, Martyn and I spent Christmas in America. We were living there with our jobs, and I was in awe of the way they celebrated - big, bold, and bustling with energy. I dreamed of recreating that level of excitement and hustle with my own family someday.

However, life doesn’t always follow the script we imagine. Over time, family dynamics, and more recently, Jenson’s neurodivergent needs, led us to adapt our Christmas celebrations. What we’ve learned is that a smaller, more intimate day suits our family best. This year, it was just the four of us, staying cozy in our pjs all day (Ronaldo did too!) It was low-pressure, low-demand - and it turned out to be the best Christmas we’ve ever had.

Jenson and Christmas Joy 

Jenson adores Christmas, even though birthdays are a struggle for him. Why is that? We’re not entirely sure, but we embrace his love for the holiday wholeheartedly. This year, his excitement was palpable. He still believes in Santa, and the magic in his eyes when he saw his stocking at 6 a.m. melted my heart.

Christmas Eve brought an insightful moment. Jenson told me, “I find it hard to show what I’m feeling on my face when I open presents.” It was such a mature thing for him to share at just 8 years old. I reassured him that it’s okay and let him know I’d tell his dad and sister so they’d understand. For those unfamiliar, difficulty expressing emotions outwardly can be linked to alexithymia, which is common in neurodivergent individuals. It’s not that the emotions aren’t there—it’s that they don’t always translate to facial expressions or reactions.

Thankfully, on Christmas Day, this wasn’t an issue. His excitement shone through, especially when he opened his burger slippers from Atlanta and the Ali-A controller from us. His happiness was pure and contagious.

Navigating Challenges

While Christmas morning was filled with joy, there were still moments that reminded us how important it is to adapt to Jenson’s needs. Playing a family game, he became upset after getting some questions wrong. In the past, this could have spiralled, especially with the added pressure of guests. But we’ve learned so much about his triggers and how to co-regulate when he’s overwhelmed. A quick pause, some time together, and he was back on track.

This understanding has been key. We know that when Jenson becomes dysregulated, it’s not "bad behaviour." It’s often his nervous system reacting to overwhelm. Parenting him differently - accommodating rather than punishing - has made all the difference.

Christmas Dinner and More

Martyn cooked a delicious Christmas dinner, and while Jenson enjoys food, his interoception - one of the eight senses (yes, there are eight not 5 like we are taught at school!) - means he sometimes struggles to recognise when he’s full. For anyone unfamiliar, interoception is the sense that helps us understand and feel what’s happening inside our bodies, such as hunger, thirst, or when we need the bathroom. Challenges in this area can make it harder to interpret internal signals like fullness.

During dinner courses, we continued one of our favourite traditions: reading from our memory jar. Throughout the year, we jot down happy moments and pop them in the jar to revisit on Christmas Day. This year’s jar was full of gratitude, laughter, and milestones - a reminder of how far we’ve come as a family.

Acknowledging Different Experiences

Our day wasn’t about matching pjs or curated Instagram posts; it was about what worked for us. I know not every family has a Christmas that looks like the movies, and that’s okay too.

I think of families where Christmas dinner might be a child’s safe foods because of ARFID, or where PDA means unwrapped presents—or no presents at all. Some families have children with anxiety who prefer Santa to deliver via Amazon rather than come into their homes. These are all valid ways to celebrate.

There’s no one-size-fits-all holiday. What matters is creating a day that feels right for your family, whatever that looks like.

Gratitude and Reflection

As the day wound down, Jenson gamed, Atlanta vlogged, and Martyn and I reflected on how content we felt. Our Christmas wasn’t extravagant or loud, but it was filled with love, understanding, and moments of magic.

For anyone feeling the pressure of societal expectations, please know: your Christmas doesn’t need to look like the ads or the photos. It just needs to work for you and your loved ones.

This year, we went to bed with full hearts, thankful for what we have and the joy we’ve found in doing Christmas our way.

Stay Empowered,

Laney x